


Life Is Good

by dropdeadfox24



Category: WTFock | Skam (Belgium)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Robbe's Big Brother Nate, Sander's Mom
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-03
Updated: 2020-02-03
Packaged: 2021-02-28 06:28:40
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,664
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22539355
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dropdeadfox24/pseuds/dropdeadfox24
Summary: An AU where Robbe has come out to the boy squad before Vrijdag 21:21, and the reunion did not happen. Not canon compliant from there, except for the text message he sent to Sander. Robbe and Sander POVs, current POV stated at the start of each part.Disclaimer: I'm not from Belgium and live nowhere near Europe. I have no idea how the transport system and the educational calendar look like, so I took some liberties. Hope that's alright with everyone!Wishing you guys like it : ) Oh, and also: More explanations on my thoughts/ ideas at the Author's Note at the bottom.
Relationships: Sander Driesen/Robbe IJzermans
Comments: 10
Kudos: 82





	Life Is Good

**Robbe POV, Vrijdag 19:18**

Robbe stood inside his apartment lobby, re- reading the last message he sent to Sander that went unanswered.

_I want clarity. Either you choose me or I don't want to deal with this anymore._

He knew it was a mistake to force Sander into making a decision. The bleached- blonde boy has read the message shortly after he sent it, but has not bothered to respond. He feels the answer is clear enough: Sander has made his choice, and it wasn't him.

Clutching his phone tightly to his chest, he feels tears starting to make their way slowly down his cheeks. He couldn't help it - today has been a day. After coming out to the boy squad, to Jens' and Aaron's confusion and Moyo's vocal disgust, he feels like the world is collapsing in on him. He doesn't know what to do anymore, and he doesn't know how he will be able to make it through the weekend in this state. He doesn't even want to think about what to do in school on Monday - hasn't allowed himself to think that far ahead. All he thinks and feels is right now. And right now, his breathing is getting more shallow, he's blinking through his tears, and he feels like his heart has been ripped out of his chest. He tries to calm himself down, takes a few, deep breaths, to try and figure out where to go from here.

He's grateful that the flatshare was empty when he finally made it inside. He doesn't think he can face anyone in the state that he's in. He walked to his room, took out his duffle bag, and started packing each item of clothing he ever owns. He doesn't know yet where he's going - he just knows that he can't stay there, and that he has to leave soon before anyone else catches him. It seems to be a blessing that he didn't pack a lot of his belongings when he moved out, making the process much faster than he thought it would go. He eyed the stack of books and papers on his desk, including his laptop. He doesn't think he could go back to the life he once knew, and so he eventually decided he won't need it.

Taking a deep breath and one last look in his found home, unconsciously lingering on the bed where he and Sander spent a blissful Wednesday afternoon together, he pushed the handle of his bedroom door and quickly shut it, not wanting to remember any more thoughts of Sander invading his mind. He was careful in making sure that nothing in his bedroom looked out of place as to not raise suspicion, but he did need to get everything he owns in the bathroom. He's not yet sure where he's going, and this will ensure he will at least have some semblance of normalcy before voluntarily turning his life outside down.

After collecting his jacket and shoes, he took one, last look at the place he thought he has found comfort and warmth in. He doesn't think he will be back soon, if at all, and he wanted to silently take the place in. He rested his forehead on the door for a few minutes, trying to calm himself down for what he was about to do. With one, last deep breath, he straightened himself, and, with a steely resolve that only a broken- hearted person could muster, made his way out of the flatshare without looking back.

Getting out to the cold air, he started walking to the nearest bus stop. He didn't bother taking his bike - he doesn't know if he will have space for it wherever he will end up going. He boarded the bus and impulsively went to the train station, head still all messed up and emotions still all over the place. After a 20- minute bus ride, he has reached his destination and got off.

Looking up at the train departure boards, one destination in particular jumped out to him. Hastily, he took his phone out, opened Instagram, and went to his DMs. A message from last week is blinking back at him, from a person who he thought he will never see or hear from again. Hesitantly, he dialled the number attached to the message, and hit call. He knew he probably should have sent a message first, given that said person might have a rule of not answering unknown numbers, but he couldn't wait. He was almost about to give up when no one seems to be picking up, when he heard a voice he has not heard in too long saying hello and asking who was calling. His heart settled a little bit at that.

_"Hi, it's me. It's... it's Robbe, I hope you don't mind me calling you, and I'm sorry if this is the first thing you've heard from me in years, but I have nowhere else to go..."_

**Sander POV, Zaterdag 13:21**

Sander stood outside Robbe's apartment building, waiting for Robbe to materialize. It took longer for him to get to this place, given that Britt kept insisting he was manic and that Robbe was a sign of his mania. After an extremely heated screaming match, with him explaining over and over that not everything he does is a sign of his mania, Britt visibly deflated and started crying, stating that she just couldn't understand how Sander fell out of love. As much as he wanted to comfort her and tell her he doesn't have a choice, that Robbe stole his heart the moment he saw him with Noor under the moonlight, her insistence that his feelings aren't valid and are unreal still stings. He apologized once more for his reckless action and for stringing her along, and emphasized how damaging to his mind her assumptions are, and calmly exited her place. It was the first time in so long that he felt like he could breathe.

That was half an hour ago, before he got to Robbe's place. Right now, all that calm has left him. There's an energy thrumming under his skin, and it's not the good kind. He couldn't stay still, bouncing his leg and fidgeting with his hair. He is so tempted to smoke so his hands will have something to do, but he wants to have this conversation with his mind absolutely clear - he wants to show Robbe how he's 100% sure about him, about them, and that he chooses him. And he will continue doing so, all the time, in every universe. He knew he probably should have told Robbe he was on his way to his flatshare, but he doesn't feel like it's the kind of declaration he should be doing over the phone.

Some more time passed, and the clock is nearing 15:00 - he's starting to get worried. He doesn't know where Robbe is, and he keeps debating whether or not he should text him to tell him he's outside. He took his phone out, and impulsively called Robbe's phone, but it was turned off. Now even more worried, he was deciding what to do when he heard his name being called. He looked up towards the street, only to find Jens walking towards him. His gut was telling him something was wrong.

"Hey, Sander, what are you doing here?" Jens asked. He thought of how to explain that he was waiting for Robbe without giving anything away, when Jens continued, with a slight shake of his head and a small smile. "I shouldn't have asked, I'm sorry. You're waiting for Robbe, aren't you?" Still trying to fumble over his explanation, he was thankfully saved again by Jens saying - "It's cool, he told us what was happening. Just yesterday afternoon, actually. I'm here because I feel bad for how we reacted, but mostly how I did." He was silent, somehow shocked that his Robbe, his Robbe was so brave for coming out, and he wasn't even there to support him. And he was also somehow preparing himself to rip Jens to pieces if he did or said something that could've discouraged Robbe from being out. With a clenched fist, he gave a curt nod to Jens, who continued saying, "I was shocked when he came out and told me there was something going on with you two, and... I think I've been a bad friend, Sander. I really think I've been a bad friend." Jens said, with tears welling up in his eyes.

"What makes you think that?" He questioned shortly, still trying to calm himself down at the thought that Robbe's coming out was unpleasant.

"Well, I... I made him feel like he couldn't tell me anything, right? I'm his brother, I was supposed to have his back, I'm supposed to look out for him. Instead, he's been carrying this secret all along and he.. he... he didn't feel like he could tell me." Jens said, taking a deep, shaky breath, before straightening to his full height and continuing, "I'm here to make it right, and to show him that he's my brother no matter what and who he loves. But.. I've been trying to call him since last night, but his phone was off. I thought he might have just done it because he's upset, but it's been almost 24 hours. He never turns it off, in case he gets a call about..." Jens trailed off, looking at him, and he thinks there's a lot more to Robbe he doesn't know yet, hoping it isn't a bad thing. "Never mind, I'll let Robbe explain that to you when he's ready." Jens said, with another shake of his head, as if trying to clear his thought and worries away. "I'm just, I'm worried, because he doesn't do this, you know? He doesn't turn his phone off, he never does. And when he came out to us yesterday, and I let him walk away without me having to say anything about how I don't love him any less, I got worried. And that's why I came here." Jens finished.

Sander, wanting to open up to one of the few persons that Robbe consider as his family, admitted, "I'm here because he sent me a message, telling me to make up my mind and choose between him and Britt." He saw Jens smile a bit at that, as if thinking atta boy, Robbe. He smiled a bit at that, too, before continuing, "I didn't send him a message or anything, I thought I might just be able to catch him when he's coming back or leaving..." Saying it out loud, he feels a bit stupid of thinking that way, and vocalized it to Jens. "I probably should have sent him a message first, right? Like, maybe he's not here, or he's busy, or he probably thought my silence means I'm not choosing him." His thoughts are getting ahead of him, and he starts feeling out of breath, because this is stupid, I should have at least told him I was coming over to talk or something.

Jens placed an arm on his shoulder and faced him, straight on. "Hey, Sander, look, it's all okay. I'll call Milan, ask him to let us in, and then we can go together and check on Robbe. We can both show him how much we love him... though maybe in different ways, I don't really want to know how you will do it." Jens said, trying to get Sander to smile. He did laugh a bit at the idea, took a deep breath, and just said, "Yeah, okay, let's do that."

He tapped his shoes on the pavement impatiently, while Jens, pacing outside the building, called Milan and explained to him that they were outside and looking for Robbe. Looking at the ground, he noticed when Jens suddenly stopped and froze, and his heartbeat quickened.

"Wait, wait, hold on. What do you mean? What do you mean that his things are not there, Milan?" He heard Jens say, before continuing, "You know what, never mind, just let us in so we can check for ourselves. Please, Milan." Jens said, voice visibly strained with fear, worry, and a little bit of guilt." After Jens ended his call, he looked at him and said, "Milan will let us in and explain more."

That really didn't help his worry, which has increased ten- fold when he heard the one- sided conversation Jens was having with Milan. They heard the buzzer, indicating the door was opening for them, and he and Jens quickly came in and took the elevator up. Tapping his foot impatiently, biting his nails, and his fingers running through his hair every second - he feels like the elevator ride lasted forever. After what felt like hours, they were stepping out to the floor and almost running to the flatshare, with Milan at the door. Coming closer, he noticed Milan seems stressed and worried. His stomach is starting to hurt and he feels his heart starting to sink, knowing that Milan is about to deliver a blow he's probably not prepared to handle, at this point.

"He's not here. I got home about an hour ago, and his jacket and his shoes weren't here." Milan said, taking a deep breath. With worry still visible, he continued, "I thought he was just out with his boys, and I was just about to take a shower but when I got into the bathroom, I noticed that all his stuff are not there." Milan was starting to talk faster now, his movements more agitated, and as he led the pair of them inside Robbe's room. "I knocked at his bedroom door, but no one was answering, and I was really worried. So I opened it and..." Milan trailed off, opening the room. What they saw made his breathing stop. "It was perfectly neat when I got inside, but I was really worried so I took a chance and opened his drawers." Milan turned to the both of them and angrily asked, "What is going on?"

He gulped, unable to answer, a rock seemingly lodged in his throat. He looked helplessly at the opened drawers - the empty, opened drawers - and he feels tears pooling at the corner of his eyes. His worst nightmare has just come true. Robbe is gone, and he is gone without having known how much he loves him and that he chose him. He doesn't know what to say, and he's afraid of opening his mouth for fear of letting out the scream that wants to claw its way out of his heart. He turned to Jens, an equally shocked look at the man's face. Under Milan's scrutiny, Jens gulped and said, "I'm not sure, I'm not sure, Milan, but I promise I'll do all that I can to make this right." Jens said, emotions taking over the usually confident boy.

Milan took a deep breath and said, "Whatever it is that you both did, and I'm assuming you are involved, seeing as you are here, too," turning to him with both eyebrows raised, he continued, pointing a shaking finger at both of them. "You better fix this, and fix this soon. I'm going to call everyone that I know and ask if they've seen him. I tried calling him when I found his bedroom empty, but his phone is off." Milan said, hastily turning around and leaving him and Jens gaping in front of Robbe's bedroom. He closed his eyes, praying and hoping against all hope that he will open them with him in his own bed, in his house, meaning that what he's seeing right now is just a dream, a nightmare. He wants to keep it closed, for fear that when he opened them, he will find Robbe's seemingly empty room staring back at him.

He was startled out of his thoughts when he felt Jens' arms wrapping around his shoulders. He opened his eyes, and still, Robbe's empty room was staring back at him. It wasn't a dream- Robbe really is gone, and it's all his fault. He heard Jens talking to him, and saying, "We'll find him, Sander, you hear me? Whatever happens, we will find him. It'll be okay." He turned to Jens, wanting to ask why he's being so nice to him after everything that he did to his best friend. When he voiced his thoughts, Jens gave him a sad smile and said, "You forgot I used to date Britt, I know how she could be." And yeah, that's right, they used to date. He nodded, showing Jens he understood what he was trying to say. "Where do we start, Jens? I don't know... I don't know who to call, I..." He said, starting to panic, realizing that this thing with Robbe is still so new and so, so fragile. He still haven't had the privilege to ask him all the things he wanted to know about him, like about his childhood, where and how he grew up, his favourite colour and food and... everything, really. He wants to know Robbe, he wants to know him, and the want is so deep and profound, he can almost taste it in his tongue.

"I'll make some calls, I'll call every person I know that might have even the slightest clue of where he's been." Jens said, voice steady with resolve and unwavering love for his best friend. "We will find him, even if it kills me." He finished his statement, before pulling his phone out and directing him. "Go to the living room and stay there. I'll start making calls." Jens said, before turning around. Feeling helpless, he did what he was told and settled on the couch. He thought he will be pacing or fidgeting with worry, but he's doing the exact opposite - his body is numb from shock. He doesn't know what to do, and his brain stopped processing anything the minute he saw Robbe's room. He hung his head in his hands to try and silence the scream that slipped out.

_Robbe, oh my god, Robbe, where are you? What have I done?_

**Three weeks later  
Robbe POV, Zondag 04:18**

He knows he should be sleeping, but ever since he got to Utrecht, he couldn't. Every time he lays down on the mattress, in an unfamiliar room with unfamiliar sights and scents, every time he closes his eyes and feels himself starting to drift off, he remembers. He remembers all the things he ran away from, and he couldn't sleep. He kept thinking he took the coward's way out, but at that time, he just couldn't think straight. Ha, straight, he chuckles a bit to himself, startling suddenly when he heard someone speaking from behind him. Turning around, he saw a familiar figure walking towards the kitchen, seemingly about to get water.

"I haven't seen even a shadow of that smile ever since you got here. It's... nice." Nate, his older brother, remarked, his smile being interrupted by a huge yawn. He smiled in return, this time actually feeling like it's reached his eyes. Quietly, he said, "I couldn't thank you enough, again, for allowing me to stay here with you. I know it was only supposed to be for a weekend, and that I'm probably an inconvenience..." He stopped abruptly when he saw Nate raise his right palm, facing him, the universal body language for stop.

"None of that, you know I love having you here." Nate shrugged as he walked towards a cupboard, finally getting himself a glass of water. Turning back to him, he continued, "I did wish it was under different circumstances." He said sadly. "It's the first time I've seen you in years, Robbe, and I thought you might cry when we see each other again but that.." He trails off, voice shaking when he said, "That was not the kind of crying I was expecting." He walked towards the table, where Robbe is, and pulled a chair out. He put his glass down and, with a kind expression in his brown eyes, so similar to his, he said, "Are you finally ready to talk about it to me?"

He took a deep breath, looking at his older brother. He remembers looking up to him as a child, always wanting to be like him and always following him around. His big brother took it in stride, indulging him and his questions, giving him hugs and kisses when he asked for it or when he looked like he needed it. Nate was the reason why he grew up to be gentle and learned how to care for others - because his brother is the kindest, most patient person he's ever met. But it's been years since he left. He doesn't know where to start, he doesn't know how to start. He fears his brother will not accept him if he comes out to him, and that thought leads to a few tears to make their way down his cheeks.

"Hey, hey." Nate said, gently, taking both his hands in both of his. He feels the warmth, feels himself slowly relax. "It's okay, I'm here." His brother said, seemingly knowing him, seemingly still able to read him after all this time. "I know I haven't been, not for a long time, and god, I feel terrible for that, Robbe," he paused, trying to get a hold of his emotions. "But I'm here now, and I promise - I swear to you - I'll be here no matter what. We'll fix this, okay?" And, with that familiar line, the one that his brother used every time he cried as a kid, he feels all the unspoken words tumbling out of his mouth. Slowly, he told his brother what has been going on - their father leaving him, about his crush on Jens, about Jens and Jana breaking up because of him, how he struggled, trying to figure out what was wrong with him. Shakily, he started talking about how he tried to be "normal" by dating Noor, the unpleasant coming out and the Broerr's reactions, Jens' reaction, and then...

"Then, I met someone and he's..." He takes a deep, shaky breath, for what feels like the millionth time while he talked. "And god, he's... I can't even describe him. I don't know any words that will do him any justice. He's just.. he's so... he's amazing." He whispers, still can't believe, despite everything, that he met Sander, that Sander exists in his orbit. He looked down at his hands, still enveloped by his brother's, and continued. "I think he's the love of my life, you know?" With a soft, sad smile, he feels himself shaking his head slowly and saying, "But he.. he went back to his ex, to her, I saw them. After everything..." he trailed off, not wanting to look back to the attack, and continued, "I sent him a text. In a moment of stupidity, I asked him to make up his mind if it will be me or her and well," He shrugs. "I never heard back. He didn't respond, he didn't call, he didn't come to see me." He looked up to his brother's eyes, seeing them looking back at him, half- sad and half- mad. "He didn't choose me." He whispered. "And with that, and with everything else that happened that afternoon, I just didn't know what to do. So I packed all the things I took with me to the flatshare, and just... here I am." He finished with a long exhale. He feels like a weight has slightly shifted from his shoulder, only to be replaced by nervousness and worry because Nate hasn't said anything the entire time.

After what felt like centuries, he feels his brother's hands tightening its hold, and he said, "I'm sorry, Robbe." Nate paused, and he was confused. What is he sorry for? "I'm sorry I haven't been there for you, I'm sorry I didn't help you figure things out in your head." He hears his brother's voice wobble, and he feels himself getting emotional again. "You're my baby brother, and I love you. And who you are and who you love doesn't change that, okay?" With those words, he feels himself completely taken over by his emotions once again. He got up from his seat and rushed to his brother, meeting him halfway as Nate enveloped him in a tight hug. God, it's been so long since he's felt this safe and warm in someone's arms. It's been so long since he felt his brother's arms around him, comforting him like this, and it feels so good. He feels like the remaining weight on his shoulders have been replaced, leaving him with an airy feeling - light, so light. As he relaxes in his brother's arms, he feels like now, right now, he's ready to head back. Back to Antwerp, back to the flatshare, back to school. He's ready to head back and face everything.

His brother pulled away, then, sensing a different Robbe in his arms, now. He knows Nate knows what he's going to do before he even said it, and he's glad his brother can still read him so easily. "The Principal said you can take as long as you need, and I know you've kept up with your quizzes and assignments and all that difficult stuff your brain is good at, you little nerd." Nate chuckled, ruffling his hair affectionately. He smiled up to him, his brother still being a bit taller than him. "But I think it's time to go back, and I think you feel the same way, don't you?"

He took a deep breath, and exhaled just as long, before answering. "Yes. I'm ready."

**Sander POV, Dinsdag 16:10**

Sander doesn't know what date or time it was, nor does he care. A week after he found out Robbe has left, after exhausting all their options, after talking to everyone who they think might have even the slightest clue as to where he could have gone, they were out of options. And Sander, he was out of strength - out of hope and happiness. He feels like a deflated balloon, like a candle who has run out, never coming to light again. His mind has lead him to dark, lonely thoughts. Thinking that he deserves it after what he's done to Robbe, his sweet, gentle Robbe, he continues to punish himself by not attempting to apply all the techniques his therapist told him when on a depressive episode. After all, what's the point?

He heard the doorbell ringing but was too much in his head to really be curious about it. It's probably food delivery or whatever - he stopped running to check after the first week, knowing it couldn't possibly be Robbe in his doorstep. It's become clear that wherever Robbe is, he doesn't want to be found by anyone. He wants to respect that, he really does - he just wants to know if he's safe, wherever he may be. He's not going to push, he knows he screwed up, knows he made a huge mistake by going back to Britt, but selfishly, he just wants some confirmation that Robbe is safe. That's all he wants.

He was pulled out of his thoughts with his Mom knocking at his bedroom door before poking her head in and saying, "Sweetie, there's someone here to see you." She paused and, despite his current mental state, he knew her well enough to know she wanted to say something more, so he looked at her, waiting for her to continue. "I haven't met him before, but he said his name is Jens, and that it's important." With this, he visibly straightened up. His Mom, seemingly noticing his change in mood, walked in to his room and whispered, "Is he...?"

He almost laughed out loud at the thought, but, as such, he was only able to let out a short chuckle and said, "No, no, Mom, he's not. But..." He paused, looking at his Mom sadly before continuing, "He's the next best thing. He's his best friend. He grew up with him. He's the one person who knows him better than anyone." His Mom got a slight wrinkle in his forehead, his lips and eyes both creased with worry, perhaps debating whether or not he's in the right mindset to face Jens. He couldn't blame her - he's been a mess the past few weeks. But he also knows Jens wouldn't be here if it were not important. Jens probably tried calling and texting first, but he didn't have the capacity to check his phone. Cursing himself for how he's feeling, he was just starting to freak out that he might have missed an important message from Jens about Robbe, when Jens himself showed up behind his Mom.

"I'm sorry, Miss.." Not knowing his Mom's name, Jens paused for a bit, but then pushed through. "I know you're probably not in the correct headspace right now," now addressing him. "But, Sander, he's back. Milan just told me. He got back on Sunday night, but Milan said he wanted to give him space first, but..." Jens paused, taking a deep breath. "But he's back." He finished, eyes reflecting relief and guilt.

He realized he's shaking when his Mom walked over to his bed to put her arms around him, rubbing his back in a soothing motion. His voice was wobbly when he said, "Jens, is he okay? Is he hurt? I mean, I know we've..." He paused to wipe a tear that suddenly escaped his eye. "I know we've hurt him, but aside from that, is he okay? Is he hurt?" There's a primal need in him to know. He didn't know it was possible to feel this strongly for someone, but he does, for Robbe.

"Milan said he looks fine, at least physically. He didn't want to say anything more." He gave Jens a short, curt nod, unable to say or do anything else, but wanting to show him he understands. He understands why Milan is protective of Robbe, after what happened. Hell, he's beating himself up over it, and he's the reason why Robbe ran away. Taking a deep breath, he straightened up even further and said, "Okay." Shaking his head clear of thoughts, he repeated, "Okay, Jens. Thanks for telling me. I'm glad to know he's well. Please, close the door on your way out."

Jens looks shocked at his reaction, or non- reaction. "Okay? That's it?" Starting to get angry, Jens raised his voice and spoke rapidly. "We've looked for him for weeks, you said you'll do anything to get him back, and now that he's here, all you say is okay?" Jens shook his head, visibly upset, and let out a humourless laugh. "You know what, never mind, if this is how you'll be, then I'm glad you broke his heart. I'm thankful you didn't prolong it, in fact." Before walking away, Jens went in for his final blow. "When I pull him out of the hell hole you helped dig himself in, I'll make sure he'll find someone who is absolutely not like you." With that, Jens left his bedroom. They heard his angry footsteps and, after a few seconds, heard the front door opening and closing.

He collapsed against his Mom when he heard that, a part of him grateful that she kept quiet during the entire conversation with Jens. He wants to see Robbe so, so badly, wants to wrap his arms and legs around him and never let go. His mind is drowning in the feeling of relief that Robbe is safe and, equally, the desire to run to the flatshare to do everything he's been wanting to do since he first saw him. But he knows he shouldn't. Robbe has walked away, and it's probably for the best. His brain keeps telling him he's doing what's best for Robbe, and knowing that he's safe and physically fine is all he ever wants now. His spiralling thoughts were interrupted by his Mom making sushing noises, and he realized he's been saying his thoughts out loud while simultaneously crying.

"Shhh, Sander, it's okay. It's okay, love." His Mom said, always knowing how to pull him back. Since his poor excuse of a father ran off when he found out Sander's diagnosis, all he ever had was his Mom. And well, Robbe, but he lost him soon, too. "It's okay, take deep breaths, love. Everything will be okay." After a few minutes, he starts feeling himself relax. His Mom continued, saying, "I do think this boy of yours deserves to know how you're feeling. He deserves to know and he deserves to make a choice. Don't take the choice out of his hands, love. From what you told me, he's a very nice, gentle, and kind- hearted boy." When his Mom saw him smiling, she added in a teasing tone, "Besides, I would like to get the chance to meet this boy of yours properly. Would you deprive your mother of that chance?" She said, her eyes twinkling with mischief, but still with worry.

"I'm destructive, Mom." He whispered, looking at his mother sadly. "I'm destructive, and that's why no one stays." He frowned at the offended look his Mom had. Realizing what he said, he waved his hand impatiently and said, "You're supposed to take care of me, you're my Mom."

"I could have also just walked away like your sperm donor, you know. But I didn't." He sighed, knowing she was right. "Give this boy of yours a chance, Sander." She wrapped him up in a tight hug and he felt himself tearing up again when she said, "Give love a chance. You deserve this love, too."

**Robbe POV, Dinsdag 21:18**

It feels weird to be back. There's a lightness to his soul that wasn't there when he left, yet he still feels like something was missing. He wasn't lying to Milan when he said he was okay. When Jens came over to explain his reaction and to apologize, he also wasn't lying when he said he forgives him. He was just... okay. He's okay, and he's stuck with the idea that perhaps, okay is all he could ever be in this life, and he should accept that. He's not happy and he's not sad, but he's okay.

He was about to finish putting his clothes back in his drawers - he didn't have the energy when he got back, and was just getting to it now - when he heard the buzzing, indicating someone was trying to get to the flatshare. He sighed and internally blamed Milan, who probably left his keys when him and Nate left to get some drinks at the coffee shop down the street, seemingly wanting to give him space. In a pleasant surprise, his big brother came back with him and will stay for a week, until he feels settled enough to go back to his old life. In an unprecedented turn of events, Nate and Milan clicked. Shaking his head at the thought of Milan flirting with his brother, he walked towards the door, quickly checking the time. It's only 21:21, but he's exhausted enough to go to bed.

He opened the door, fully expecting to find Milan and Nate, but was greeted with the sight of a bowed head. A bleached- blonde head he'd recognize anywhere. He gulps, feeling his throat suddenly go dry at the idea that Sander is here. He thought he might have been dreaming, having conjured him up in his desperate attempt to forget him. He pinched himself so tightly, he let out a high- pitched yelp he will forever deny if anyone asks. Sander looked up at that, face warring among amusement, guilt, and relief. He thought he saw a hint of something else, but couldn't quite figure it out.

"Hey." Sander said, tall frame looking very small, at that moment. "Can I come in?" He hesitated for a few seconds, wanting to know what Sander needs to say that entailed him to come at this time of the night, but being scared of hearing Sander actually say he doesn't want him. "Please, Robbe, please let me explain. And if after, you still don't want to talk to me, I understand, just." Sander paused, puppy eyes looking up at him, letting out a frustrated sigh. "Please," he whispered. "I really need to talk to you."

He knew he was done for the moment he saw those eyes, holding so much emotion in them. He sighed in return and simply said, "Okay." He stepped back to let Sander in. The latter paused when he passed by him, hands twitching and then harshly closing, seemingly trying to hold back. From what, he has no clue. He looked away and closed the door, only to find Sander looking at him intensely, seemingly frozen by the coat racks, not even having removed his shoes, when he turned back around. He cleared his throat, and that seemed to snap Sander out of his thoughts and into action. "Let's go to my bedroom." He said and then walked away, knowing full well Sander will follow.

He settled in his bed, his back resting at the headboard. If he and Sander were going to have this talk, he wants to be as comfortable as possible. Sander, visibly uncomfortable, walked to the foot of his bed and stayed there. He wanted to reach out so, so badly, so he clenched his fists tightly to stop himself from doing so. He no longer has the right - he knows Sander's only here to talk, and that he made the choice. Hell, he's probably not even aware he's left and has just recently come back. All those thoughts were wiped away from his mind, however, when he heard Sander ask him a question.

"Where have you been?" Shocked, he looked over to Sander, not realizing he was aware he even left the city. "Utrecht," he whispered. Sander nodded, seemingly satisfied with that answer, but he can tell they'll come back to that later. He heard him take a deep breath, and then started speaking again. "Robbe... I just want to say again how sorry I am. For going back to Britt..." Sander paused, closing his eyes as if in pain. He couldn't stand seeing him that way, no matter if this boy broke his heart. So he cut him off. Taking a deep breath, bracing himself for another blow once Sander leaves again, he spoke rapidly.

"It's okay, Sander. Believe me, I know what it feels like." Sander looked at him, a confused expression in his face, so he continued. "I know we can't help who we love. It's okay. I never should have pushed you to make a decision - I never should have asked you to choose between me and her. I know I'm just some boy you met, and she's..." He paused, trying to clear his throat, wanting to get the words out. "I know she's the love of your life and I was in the way of that, and I'm sorry. I didn't mean to do that. I promise, I won't stand in the way ever again. It was selfish of me. I'm sorry, Sander." He ended his short speech with a shaky breath. He hopes, for his and his pride's sake, that his eyes are not watering, but he knows it's a lost cause. He's letting Sander go because Sander doesn't feel the same way. It hurts, it hurts so much, and he doesn't know what to do once Sander leaves his place for good. He wants one last kiss, hug, touch - anything, really - but he didn't want to overstep more than he already did. He clenched his fists tighter in his duvet, trying so hard to resist the impulse to reach out, concentrating so hard, he failed to see Sander wiping his tears away.

"Robbe..." He heard Sander say in a broken voice. He looked up, only to find Sander, nose and eyes red and watery. He couldn't stop himself anymore, he crawled towards him and took both his hands in his. It felt good, so good to just have this, to pretend that he gets to have this, but he knows he doesn't. This is him, comforting a person who is pure. A person who got hurt simply because he couldn't love someone back, and he wants to tell Sander it's okay. It's okay if he couldn't love him back. He tightened his hold and whispered the same sentiment, only for Sander to shake his head.

"Robbe," Sander tried again, voice still shaky. "I'm sorry, Robbe, I didn't mean to hurt you. I just.. I don't think I deserve you, you know?" At that, he frowned, tilting his head, a silent question as to what Sander meant, because this is not what he was expecting. "I'm a lot. I'm..." he exhales shakily. "People leave me, Robbe, and I just.. if you just know. If you know how bad it is, how hard it is, I know you'll do the same." Sander started crying in earnest now, and he couldn't hold himself back anymore. He took his face in his hands and soothed him. He kept quiet, understanding that Sander needs time to say what he came here to say, but still quite curious as to what he meant. "It's okay, Sander. It's okay, I'm here." He whispered over and over again.

With that sentiment, and with Sander's face still in his hands, Sander started explaining everything to him. How he got diagnosed with bipolar, how his father left because he couldn't handle him, how he thought it was much safer to go back to Britt, how he waited for Robbe here the day after his text, and how lost he felt once he realized Robbe has left. Sander poured everything out, all his thoughts and emotions and fears spilling over like his tears, like he couldn't stop himself from telling him everything.

And Robbe, he feels so much love for this boy. This boy, who was brave enough to give him a chance, who was brave enough to give him his heart despite everything he suffered. He thinks he understands him a bit better now, though there were still some questions he wanted to ask. He's holding himself back because he can see Sander is still visibly upset. On top of that, he looks exhausted, like he hasn't been getting any sleep, despite the fact that Sander admitted he has barely left his bed the past week. Once Sander's entire body has slumped, once he has ran out words to say, he tilted Sander's head up to meet his eyes and gave him a soft, chaste kiss on the lips. He has no doubts now.

"Thank you, for telling me all that." He whispered softly, gently, recognizing how fragile and important the next words coming out of his mouth will be in defining how they will be moving forward after tonight. "I hope you hear me and understand when I tell you - it doesn't matter to me." He took Sander's hands in his and placed both of them over his heart, beating strong and surely. Looking down to their joint hands, he continued, "I hope what you feel right now, underneath your hands, can prove to you how much I love you. Feel that, babe?" He didn't mean to say that last bit, it just slipped out, but he relaxed when he saw Sander's watery smile directed at him. "My heart is beating, as sure and as steady as how I feel for you. I know you will doubt that." He took one of his hands off their hold and placed it over Sander's cheek, smiling brightly when the latter nuzzled his face into it, seemingly looking for comfort. "I know sometimes you will feel like I wouldn't be able to take it, and that I will leave, like everyone else did. But I promise you." He locked his eyes with Sander, wanting him to realize the weight of his next words. "I promise you, I won't. I will be here, and I will be here no matter what." He almost said the three- letter words he's been dying to say since he saw Sander again, but he held himself back. He wanted this moment to only be for this, for letting Sander know this doesn't change anything between them. He has a good feeling that he will get to say it in the future - sooner, if his gut is correct, rather than later. And he wants that time to be special in its own right.

Sander climbed in his lap at that, and he couldn't hold back his surprised laugh even if he tried. He felt strong arms surrounding his shoulders, and legs trying their best to wrap around his waist. He laughed out loud again, and Sander pulled back a bit at that, only to whisper in his ear and say, "I missed that laugh, my god." And then Sander buried his face on the crook of his neck, taking a deep breath as he did so. "And I miss your smell, and I miss having you in my arms." He feels Sander plant a swift, gentle kiss to the nape of his neck, and he tried his best not to shiver at the sensation. He felt more than heard Sander chuckling, the rumble in his chest pressed to his own giving him so much comfort, perhaps having realized the effect he has on Robbe. He couldn't help it, it's been too long!

He felt Sander press another kiss to his neck, but under his ear, and he couldn't hold back his shiver anymore. He never knew before that moment that that was his weak spot, but apparently, it was. Sander paused and pulled back again at that, eyebrows raised, eyes twinkling, and the side of his mouth pulled up in a mischievous smirk as if to say, "Oh yeah?" before diving back in and planting another kiss to the same spot. Only it was longer this time, and with more teeth and tongue. He couldn't hold back the moan he let out at the feeling, scrambling not to fall under the weight of Sander and his lust. "Ahhh, Sander." He heard himself moaning, and then bit it back, embarrassed. Sander probably felt he was holding back, because he continued, only this time, he went lower, aggressively pawing at his collarbones, trying to nibble at whatever exposed skin he could reach with his shirt still on.

Robbe's mind is hazy, and he couldn't focus on anything else except Sander's lips on his skin. He wanted to feel more of it, but his own shirt was in the way, damn it! With his mind made up, he pushed a surprised Sander away, who started apologizing, perhaps thinking he crossed some boundary, only for his apologies to die down when he pulled his shirt up from the back, slowly, trying to give him a show, but perhaps only succeeding in being awkward. Once his shirt was off, he realized how stupid it was, and scrunched the cloth in his hand, trying not to give away how embarrassed he was. He paused, waited for Sander to say something and put him out of his misery.

**Sander POV, 22:01**

Sander couldn't believe his luck. He couldn't believe he has Robbe in his arms, pliant and waiting and adorably horny and flustered - well, at least he did until Robbe pushed him back and enticingly put on a show by taking his shirt off. He didn't realize he was staring until he saw Robbe visibly take a deep breath, and then exhale, as if trying to steel himself for something. He shook his head, clearing it as it was starting to be taken over by lust, and looked at the angel in front of him. "You know we don't have to do anything, right?" He paused, making sure Robbe can hear him, loud and clear. "We can just go to sleep and not do anything, and I will still be the happiest man alive on earth right now." He finished, not being able to hold back a sappy sigh. He saw Robbe rolling his eyes at that, still flustered and still so adorably cute. Robbe started to blush, and he was just about to ask what kind of thoughts lead to that delicious colour painting his skin, when he heard Robbe clear his throat to speak. "I don't think I'm ready for... that, just yet." He paused at that, and he waited patiently for his boy - his boy! - to finish what he wanted to say. "But, uhm, perhaps more of what we were doing, but like... less clothes?" His voice started getting softer, until his last two words were a whisper that Sander almost didn't hear. He sighed, couldn't believe how perfect this boy was, and then stood up. Robbe looked confused and somewhat hurt, until he started taking his jeans off slowly. By the time he was finished with the unplanned strip tease, but with his boxers still on, Robbe's cheeks turned even more red, and he couldn't wait to feel all those blood rushing to his cheeks. So he reached out and cupped Robbe's face in both his hands, now his turn to give him a soft, gentle kiss on the lips.

"Okay, angel." He simply replied. Robbe looked up to him at that, with so much love in his eyes and with a smile so big, he doesn't know what to do with it. It looks like so much love was spilling out this boy's entire face and body and god, to think he could've missed it. He wrapped Robbe again in his arms and legs, tumbling them both down to the bed in the process. With a surprised yelp, Robbe held on tightly to his back, seemingly afraid of the sensation of falling. They continued kissing, their hands roaming to newly- exposed skin, so many places to touch and god, he's getting overwhelmed with it. And that's how their night went, with them kissing and touching each other, looking deep into each other's eyes, and, eventually, cuddling under the covers and falling to a deep slumber.

**Woensdag, 10:13**

He's startled awake by the sound of pans and pots banging against the counter, but refused to open his eyes. He knows what those sounds meant. It means he was in his house, and his mother is preparing lunch. It also means that last night was just a dream, and he didn't get Robbe back. He screwed his eyes shut even tighter, not wanting to let go of the feeling, when he realized his sheets smell... different. Tentatively, he opened one eye, and his eyes widened with what he saw.

Beside him was Robbe, sleeping so peacefully, one hand lightly resting on his waist, another under his cheek, his mouth open, with a bit of drool coming out. He looks completely adorable, he felt his smile taking over his entire face. He doesn't know why he didn't realize there were legs tangled with his own, or that there was a hand resting on his waist, but he thinks it might be because he convinced himself that last night was a dream, and that he will be back in his bed, in his house, when he woke up in the morning. He's happy, so, so happy to find out he wasn't dreaming.

He pushed himself closer to Robbe and took a deep breath, wanting to get more of his boy's smell. Sue him, he's addicted! He planted a soft kiss to his forehead, and watched as Robbe's face scrunched up in his sleep, seemingly annoyed by the disturbance, and he giggled to himself quietly. He realized he wanted to make Robbe some croques for breakfast, as an ode to the first time they met. With that thought, he found the willpower to leave the sleeping boy in bed, and get up.

He walked hesitantly to the kitchen, bracing himself for a confrontation with Milan, knowing he probably knows what happened and what has been going on. He paused a bit before entering, taking a deep breath, hoping Milan will forgive him for what he did to Robbe. He opened his eyes and, with determination fueled by the fact that he wants Robbe in his life, he moved forward. When he reached the kitchen, however, he found not only Milan, but a man about the same age as him who looks vaguely familiar. He couldn't place where he saw him before, though, and he's trying to figure it out when Milan turned to him.

"Took you long enough." Milan said to him, with a wink that said he doesn't have to explain anything to him, and he let out a relieved breath at that. He let out a smile, only to frown a moment after when the other man beside Milan took a long, appraising look at him, and frowned.

"Uh, hi?" He said, not knowing who the man was, but not wanting to be rude. "I just want to make some croques for Robbe, for breakfast because...." He trailed off, not knowing why he's feeling the need to explain this to the familiar stranger. He heard Milan chuckle before he stood up, taking his coffee cup with him. After patting the man's shoulder and giving him a meaningful looking, he strutted outside the kitchen and into his bedroom. However, not without pausing in front of him and cheerfully saying, "good luck!" He looked gleeful about that, and that was absolutely not the reaction he was expecting from the elder man. His confusion must have been visible in his face because the stranger in the kitchen cleared his throat to get his attention. The man gestured to him to enter, and he took one step before stopping, being unsure of what was happening.

"Please, Sander, take a seat." He didn't know how this man knew his name, but he now has a scary expression on his face. He gulped, trying not to show how affected (scared) he was, but still couldn't help but follow what the man said. The stranger asked how he takes his coffee, and gave him a cup when he explained (two spoonfuls of sugar and milk - lots of it). He thought he saw the man frown disapprovingly at that, but he doesn't know who this person is and why he looks offended. It wasn't until the man reached his right hand out to him and introduced himself, that Sander realized he's probably in deep, deep trouble, with a slight relief as to figuring out why he feels familiar.

"I'm Nate, Robbe's older brother." At that, Sander almost choked on his drink, but was able to bite it back with a dignified cough, thank you very much. Now, he understands where this is going, so he stood up to his full height, looked Nate straight in the eyes, and with a confidence he didn't know he has, he declared, "I know what you're going to say, but you really don't have to tell me anything I don't already know. Believe me, if I ever hurt Robbe again, I probably will be the first person to die. You can have the pleasure of burying my body, if you like." He felt slightly vindicated when he heard Nate snort at that, trying to be serious but not being able to, before he heard hurried footsteps rushing to the kitchen, followed by a groan. He looked up at that with a smile, knowing what - or rather who - was the source of that adorable sound.

"Naaaaate. Please, don't do this. Don't embarrass your favourite brother like this." Robbe whined before walking over and weakly smacking his brother on his arm. He looks sleep- rumpled and adorable, and he feels himself melting at the sight of sleepy Robbe. At the corner of his eye, he saw Nate looking at him, his features softening at whatever he saw in his face. At that, he feels himself relaxing.

"Of course you will be my favourite, you're my only brother, I literally don't have a choice." Nate answered playfully, ruffling Robbe's hair, who has gone over to make himself comfortable in Sander's lap. He looked up at that, glaring at this brother, but only looking like a disgruntled kitten. He feels himself starting to giggle at that sight, until the same, disgruntled expression was directed at him. He held both his hands up at that, as if to say, "I didn't do anything." Robbe just continued to glare at him, so he reached out and planted a kiss on both his cheeks, then his lips, and then his forehead. He felt how Robbe melted at that, snuggling closer to him, silently asking that he never stop.

With an adorably sleepy Robbe in his lap, and with Nate's implicit approval, he has never felt this warm and at home. He never thought he'd have this - love someone like this, and be loved back as intensely. He always thought he'd settle, like he did with Britt, because, after all, who would love him? If his own father couldn't, why would anyone else do?

But, here, in this flatshare, in this kitchen, listening to Nate tell stories of a young Robbe getting into trouble, and the kind of questions he asked as a child - in this place, with an embarrassed Robbe protesting that they were ganging up on him, and with Nate explaining it was his duty as big brother to do so with his baby brother's boyfriend - he feels like everything has fallen into place.

Life is good.

**Author's Note:**

> English isn't my first language, so apologies for any mistakes. I have been writing all my life, though - but rarely fiction! But this AU refuses to go away, so I gave in! I am but a weakling! I really was aiming for like, 5k words... but my hands slipped... Seven hours after, here we are.
> 
> I didn't intend to make Jens the bad guy in the latter part of the story - but my idea was that he said that to provoke Sander to action, i.e. go get yo mans!! In my head, Jens got to know Sander a lot during those weeks of looking for Robbe, saw how Sander absolutely loves Robbe but was just scared, so he hopes that by saying that, Sander will get his shit together lol.
> 
> Also, I may have projected on Robbe a bit. I'm a runner when I get hurt, and so.. yes.
> 
> Tumblr family, thank you for the wonderful idea of Big Brother Nate :') I hope I did it even a tiny bit of justice and that I did not overstep on anyone's toes. If you feel like you need to be credited with the idea, please please please send me a message as I would absolutely love to! I spent so much time scrolling through the tags in Tumblr but couldn't find who I should ask permission to before using. I'm sorry in advance! : (
> 
> Ps. I feel like my POV is all over the place - it's the first time I've written anything in this style, and this is only my third fic eveeeer, so please, forgive me : )


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